FOB's = Frequently Observed Behavior's

Ever have questions about FOB's? Great!

We get oodles of these questions from many of you...and commonly, the answer is not what it may seem. Complete the form below, explaining the behavior in question and we will do our best to answer it. All questions will be addressed anonymously.

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Previously Submitted:

Dear Leanne,
My son is a nine year old autistic boy. He screams a lot and we cannot seem to figure out why he will suddenly start screaming. There does not appear to be a pattern. Some of the time, it seems to be because he is frustrated or upset. There are many times when this is not the case. Do you have any great ideas?
Sincerely, Rebecca
Litchfield, MN

Dear Rebecca,
When you are dealing with a child who has special needs, you need to be careful to not assume anything. When you are faced with a behavioral issue you should make sure it is not due to a medical problem. There are many systems out of whack for these kids and there could possibly be a physical cause for the behavior. With screaming, for example, it could be acid reflux. With the increased levels of anxiety and stress these children face on a daily basis, there could be higher levels of acid in their stomachs. Thus, when the child faces a situation which they don't know how to successfully resolve, this problem is triggered and their throat hurts. Screaming might be the way they have learned to deal with the pain, just as you might do when you stomp your foot after you drop a sledge hammer on your toe.

Once you rule out a physical explanation for the screaming, we can look at the problem from a behavioral point of view. Each child is unique and there is no one way to have autism. Therefore, there could be many, many reasons for the behavior you are seeing and this discussion is not meant to be all inclusive. But, it is a place to start. The first reason for the screaming could be that your child is fearful of something new or something changing and the screaming is an escalation of that fear. If this is the case, that means you are moving too quickly and need to slow down.

Stop whatever you are doing, go to the child and help them with their emotions. Offer comfort in the way you have learned will help the child; if your child does not like to be touched, then hugging him/her would not be the best way.
You need to help your child with his/her emotions.
It is important to think out loud because part of the problem is that the child does not know how to solve the problem you presented. By thinking out loud, the child will be exposed to how you solve the problem.
Remember that, for the child, this is very upsetting. It you don't help them through this they will learn that you sometimes present scary things and this will impact trust.
Be patient; you might not see the fruits of your labor for some time.

The second reason for the screaming could be that the child has learned that it is the way to get what you want.

Stop whatever you are doing and show the child your emotions.
Don't assume that the child has gone through the same logical process you and i use to arrive at "screaming" as the best choice in the situation. True, they might have gone through a process that seemed logical to them, but, as we know, the child probably has missed some crucial steps.
You need to go back and fill-in the missed steps.
Once the action has stopped, get close enough to the child so that you know they can see or hear you. Again, you need to base your actions on you specific child, but you need to convey how the screaming is impacting you. Use a variety of cues, from covering your ears, to having a pained look on your face, to saying "Oh my, that hurts my ears".
The child will probably continue to scream, but continue calmly. Start from the beginning when the problem started and talk it through with the child. You might say something like "I understand that you would like some more milk. If you want more milk you can ask me to help. I would be happy to help you if you came to me and said 'mom, would you get me some more milk please?'. Then, i would come to the fridge and help you and you would not need to scream. When you scream that makes me feel scared and it hurts my ears."

Resist the urge to turn this into a teaching moment; stay with the child at the child's level and address the problem that the child is having, not the problem an adult would be having. For instance, if you are playing a game and the child gets upset because he was hoping to use a certain card on his turn, don't assume he is upset because he wanted to use the card to win the game. Stay with what the child said and solve that problem; don't proceed to tell him a shorter or easier way to win, as this would be an adult problem you are solving. To solve the problem the child is having, stay with the child and help him figure out how he can use his card. By going through the same problem solving process many, many times, the child will eventually learn more pieces of the process and will eventually get to the lesson about how to win the game more efficiently.

Stay Well,
Leanne Mairs, MSW, LICSW

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